Pages of Lives
by Amequa
Summary: Short glimpses into the emotions of various characters throughout canon. Chapter 1: Sakura's Realization
1. Sakura

Useless. Worthless. Hopeless. The three words you'd never want to feel. Ever felt like you want to curl up into a ball and just hope everything would be okay? Ever wish that you could make a change, when you know that you can't? That you're physically incapable to do anything besides being a pathetic mess?

You see the eyes. People dismiss you; they think that you're just the third member. The unremarkable one in a band of extraordinary ninja. Remember that guy who you always thought was beneath you? Well, you may have him beat in academics, but he far bested you where it really matters. You feel like hitting your head on the wall. What was your life until now? Parents that provided you with everything, who love you and think the world of you... but you still feel inadequate.

One mistake made, you beat yourself up. How could you be so naive? So foolish? Why couldn't you react faster, or think of something better to say or do? What's the point of having book smarts if you can't apply them? You could have said anything better than what you said. You could have called for help- you knew what was going to happen. Yet, you did nothing, or rather nothing meaningful.

You can feel yourself slipping back into that void of self loathing. You finally realize that you hate yourself. No, hate is too strong of a word. Memories of a girl, whispering encouragements to you drift to the forefront of your mind. But, you don't have that girl to confide in now. You resent your very being. You nitpick at all of your mistakes and sometimes you just want to hide in a corner and cry.

But you don't. You're supposed to be strong. You're supposed to have no feelings, to suppress all your emotions. You have never done that, and you doubt that you ever will. A civilian put up against the world. That's your life in a nutshell. Somehow, you've been dealing with it. Somehow, you've been coping. Uncertain of where you belong, you're neither the perfect ninja, nor the demure, prim and proper little girl. You have a temper, not cold dispassion. You're proud of that.

You close your eyes for a bit. You ponder over the thought that you actually take pride in some of the things that you do. That time you mastered tree-walking before anyone else, the genjutsu you broke free from in training, you truly felt happy. Your eyes flicker open and you stand up. You beat Naruto in an arm wrestle once. Your chakra control's better than anyone else on Team 7. Maybe, you do have potential.

Now all you have left is to fulfill it. A voice echoes in your head. _I will never give up! That's my ninja way!_ You feel the spark of a new flame in your heart, a flicker of determination. Never again, never again will you be a passive bystander. You will make a difference. You will work hard. You will become somebody.

You're Sakura Haruno, and you've just found the will to live.

Sakura Haruno got out of her bed at five in the morning that day and headed out to the training grounds. She trained until she couldn't stand up anymore.

She proceeded to do that every day for the next three years.

Let it be known, Sakura Haruno would never be useless again.


	2. Tenten's Musings

Tenten hiccuped. She wasn't crying, she wasn't sobbing her heart out or yelling out to the heavens as one would expect. She wasn't even filled with righteous anger. Most people probably would be grieving, commiserating about how the good die too young. Most people in her position would be drinking away their sorrows, or holding their loved ones tighter. What about her then?

Well, she was empty. She was leaning against a tree in a training field late at night, idly playing with her kunai. She was just staring out into the distance. Her mind was carefully blank. She was almost in a trance, or rather maybe a meditative state. Just like-

She stood up abruptly. Tenten moved towards the targets where she always practised. Her body started throwing kunai after kunai at the bull's-eye. It was mechanical. It meant nothing to her, but it was soothing in a way. It was like nothing had changed. Here she was, still training; acting like everything was the same. It was like team training. Soon Lee would loudly challenge Neji to a match. Neji would just ignore him. Lee would get all worked up, with his usual overdramatic flair. Then Gai sensei would join him and there would be sunsets and green spandex everywhere.

She sighed, that was the root of her problem. Team Gai was broken. No matter how well she could compartmentalize her feelings, or act like everything was okay, her team was gone. The only other sane person on her team, one of her best friends, was dead. When she set out to become a ninja, she never thought about how her friends could die, or rather how she herself could die. She assumed everything would be peachy keen and that Team Gai would become world renowned. She thought that they'd reach the top, together.

Tenten stretched a bit as she got ready for her next set of accuracy exercises. She took out a blindfold from her pocket and wrapped it around her eyes. It didn't make much of a difference anyway, since it was already quite late. As she was plunged into darkness, all of her other senses lit up. She was in her element now. A flick of her hand and she could hear the thunk of ten kunai hitting their targets. Her aim was perfect, as usual. She rolled her shoulders. Time for shuriken now.

That was when Tenten heard it. The soft flapping of a hawk. A second later, she heard its warning screech. Another mission this late? Well, that sounded great. She raised her hand and with a whoosh the scroll fell into her hand. She removed her blindfold and glanced at the scroll's seal. It had to be an S-rank this time. The seal wouldn't be so complicated otherwise. She channelled her chakra into it. The hokage's seal greeted her. She scanned through its contents in seconds, committing it to memory. If all went well, she'd be back by morning. Otherwise she may be meeting Neji sooner than she expected.

She had to leave immediately, but she couldn't go in this frame of mind. So Tenten did what she did best these days. She collected all of her emotions, put them in a box and shoved them back to their assigned compartment in her brain. She was mission ready now. She didn't bother picking up her equipment and just body-flickered off. She had a job to do.


End file.
